


Years in the Life

by KeyserSozin



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Coping, F/F, Family Drama, Finding Peace, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Language Warning - Angry Asami Doesn't Mince Words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-03 23:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12157380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeyserSozin/pseuds/KeyserSozin
Summary: Asami's mother died when she was six years old.  Every year since, she and her father would visit her mother's grave.  Now she is faced with visiting alone.  A lot can happen in a year's time.  And sometimes, painfully little.What the hell, I can conveniently say this is for Korrasami Week 2017 - Day 7 (Family) if you'll forgive me for being a couple days early.





	Years in the Life

**Year Thirteen**

 

The morning of Korra's departure was the morning Asami left Air Temple Island, too. Even if she could stand the utterly conspicuous absence, or the somber mood of those who remained, it so happened that Asami had something else to address that day.

She made her way to the Dragon Flats borough under the late morning sun. The sounds of the market were much as she remembered them. The incense wasn't hard to find, and there was a flash of recognition in the florist's eyes when she requested that specific arrangement of fire lilies. In a dark moment, she wondered what she would do if the florist told her the flowers were already paid for. Thankfully, he accepted her yuans without another word.

An icy pit formed in her stomach as the gates of the Sato estate came into view. This wasn't the first time she had been back since that dreadful night she had fled her father's wrath with Mako, Korra, Bolin, Tenzin, and Lin. Just recently she had helped Mako and Bolin shelter their large, displaced extended family here after the chaos in Ba Sing Se. But she had never come back with the intention of staying.

The manor showed signs of life, with some lawn furniture and other recreational equipment strewn about the front yard. It made her somewhat happy that this place could be more than just a tomb for her memories.

She left the car in the circular drive which ringed a fountain in front of the entrance. Instead of climbing the front steps, she set off on a small footpath toward a low hill east of the residence. It took perhaps ten minutes to reach the single willow tree standing sentinel atop it. As Asami reached its base, she found the polished marble stone beneath it, just where it had been since she was six years old. She set the flowers gingerly in front of it, and lit the incense sticks with a match, careful to crush it out beneath her boot once its purpose was served.

"Hi Mom," she began, easing herself down to sit on the grass next to the stone.

"I can't believe it's only been a year. Feels like a lifetime since I last came to see you." She paused to take a deep breath, and exhale heavily.

"As you can see, Dad's not here. Wasn't too long after I talked to you last year that some awful things happened between us, and now I'm not sure I'll ever see him again. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

"So much has happened, I just feel like my life is upside down right now. I tried to save the company, for you, for me, for all of us. But I nearly screwed that up. And what's worse, if I don't end up screwing it up, I'll probably just end up turning into Dad.

"I'm so alone right now, Mom," she wiped her eyes and her nose on her sleeve, decorum be damned. She wasn't sure exactly when she had started to cry.

"You're gone, and Dad's gone. I have wonderful friends, but now my best friend is gone too. I never got to tell you about her. Her name is Korra. Actually, she's the Avatar. I know, crazy, right? It really has been quite a year, Mom.

"Korra almost died. I watched a man do everything he could to kill her, and he almost did. I couldn't do anything but watch. It was horrible. She was too strong though. But it still hurt her more than words can say, and she's gone away now. Doesn't want me or anyone around, and that would hurt bad enough even if I didn't..." she choked up. The words were too hard to say out loud, to dare to give voice. She meant them though, so she willed herself on.

"I think I love her, Mom. I haven't told anyone that, because I don't know if she loves me or if she even can love me. Oh, I like girls, Mom. I probably should have mentioned that sooner," she laughed ruefully, which ended up mostly as a thick sniffle. "I like boys too, but, uh... grandkids may not ever be a thing. I hope that doesn't disappoint you. I know it would disappoint Dad, but I guess everything else about me disappoints him so why not that too?"

"I wish you were here. I just miss you so much."

With that simple admission, any semblance of composure left Asami. She broke down in earnest. She cried until she was too tired to cry any more, and fell asleep with the willow tree shielding her from the late afternoon sun.

 

She awoke a few hours later beneath a soft sheet on an even softer mattress. It took her a moment to recognize the room as one of the many guest accommodations inside the mansion. The window was open and a late evening breeze brought a slight chill.

Rousing from her sleep must have made more noise than she realized -- the door cracked open and Pabu scooted through, leaped onto the bed with a squeak and settled on the pillow next to her, chittering contentedly.

As she might expect, Bolin wasn't far behind, and the earthbender's head peeked around the corner of the door.

"Oh good, you're awake," he smiled. His head disappeared for a moment. "Mako, Asami is awake!" she heard him call.

The brothers let themselves in. Taking a moment to verify that she was still dressed and decent enough to be seen, she sat up in bed.

"Tu called us when he found you asleep out on the grounds. It was getting dark so he carried you inside. You must have been really out of it to sleep through that."

Her face reddened as she struggled to formulate a response. Her throat still felt dry and she was still a little disoriented.

"Are you okay? You're not sick, are you? We can call a doctor if you are. Or Kya is probably doing well enough to come see you," Bolin rambled in his signature nervous rapid-fire.

Asami held her hands up to silence him.

"No, it's nothing. It's just..." she sighed heavily.

"What is it?" Mako asked, after a significant pause.

"It's the anniversary of my mother's death," Asami admitted, her face drooping. "I visit her every year, but... this is the first time without my father, and since I stopped living here."

Bolin let out an almost inaudible 'aw' of pity. The brothers wrapped her in an embrace.

"You shouldn't have to do that alone," Mako told her.

"Yeah! Next year, Mako and I can come with you!"

Several things troubled her about that. Her father had always been there in the past, but the visitation had still always felt very private. She wasn't sure she would feel comfortable talking to her mother with others there. Asami Sato -- engineer, inventor, businesswoman -- talking to a stone. Would they think she was crazy?

And then there was the implication by omission. Mako and Bolin would come with her. Not Mako, Bolin, _and Korra_.

The loneliness of _that_ thought was overwhelming.  It got the better of her.

"Okay," she nodded. "Thank you both."

"You know, Mako, I'm not even sure I know where Mom and Dad are buried."

"Not the time, Bo."

"Sorry," he winced, "you know how I am with just saying whatever comes to my mind, even when it's wildly inappro--"

"Bo. Not. Now."

 

* * *

 

**Year Fourteen**

 

Asami sighed.

 _Shit. This_ is _weird._

Mako stood about ten feet behind where she knelt, his hand on the back of his neck in that characteristic way that said, 'I'm very uncomfortable right now.'

That made two of them.

The bouquet had been placed and the incense was lit, but the part that came after, the important part... just didn't feel right with him here, watching. Listening.

At least he was silent. Bolin abhorred silences, awkward or otherwise, and she knew that were he not off somewhere in the Earth Kingdom supporting Kuvira's stabilization campaign, he would be here, jabbering away.

Asami couldn't manage a word. She felt guilty for regarding Mako as an intrusion. She felt guilty that this year's visit was turning out to be a waste. She felt guilty that she spent so much time _feeling_ these days, and precious little time _doing_. At least, doing anything that mattered. Doing anything that made a difference.

_Maybe next year, Mom._

She rose and brushed herself off.

"Ready to go already?" Mako asked, hiding his relief behind mild surprise.

"Yeah," Asami replied, unsmiling. "Let's go."

 

* * *

 

**Year Fifteen**

 

Asami awoke with a start.

“Shit.”

She had fallen asleep at her desk by accident. She knew what day it was, she had just lost track of time. Judging by the darkness on the other side of the windows, she'd been out for several hours. She looked at the clock on the far wall.

_9:47 p.m._

Too late to head out to the estate today. All the merchants in the market district would be closed by now anyway.

She ran a thumb over the framed portrait of her mother on her desk, opposite the picture of herself with Team Avatar.

“Sorry Mom. I guess I didn't have much to say, anyway. I'll talk to you next year.”

She let her hand linger on the portrait a moment longer. Was this how it was going to be, now? No family to speak of, and even then, still no time for them.

Asami groaned and stretched as she rose from her chair, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She crossed the room to put on a fresh pot of coffee.

There was work to do.

 

* * *

 

**Year Sixteen**

 

It took a moment to clear the leaves before Asami could begin her ritual. The last thing she needed was to start a fire and burn down the tree, the grounds, the whole damned estate; even if her anger and frustration made her feel like burning down the whole world right now.

“Hey Mom,” she sighed, exasperated. She smoothed her skirt out beneath her before kneeling in her customary spot.

“I know, I shouldn't take that tone with you.”

The silence was deafening. She squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth.

“Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? You can't hear me any more than the stupid rock you're buried under. You're gone just like Korra, and Mako, and Bolin, and everyone else! Apparently the only person who wants to talk to me is Dad, and the last time I saw him he tried to fucking kill me!” she shouted, fists clenched and knuckles white.

Asami's lip trembled at her outburst, and she felt hot tears well up in her eyes. A heavy sob escaped.

She slumped, unable to look straight at the silent stone before her.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just...” she wiped her face on her sleeve.

“Korra was supposed to come back yesterday. She didn't, though. She lied to her parents and said she was in the city. And who knows, maybe she is? Nobody knows where the fuck she went, and it seems like she wants it that way.” She sighed heavily.

“I know, why should I care, right? I've spent the past three years playing this stupid game with myself. 'I love her;' 'I'm over her;' 'No I'm not;' 'Yes, I am and I'm moving on.' And then she finally wrote back and I just let myself get so worked up. I'm an idiot, I know.” She let her latest tirade hang in the air for a moment.

“But I mean, fuck her, you know? Even if she's not feeling back to normal, doesn't she realize there are people who care about her, that are waiting for her? Meanwhile, I'm over here, nobody gives a shit about me. Nobody's even reached out to see how _I'm_ doing, besides Dad. And for all I know, his letters are just telling me how much he hates me, and that I ruined his legacy, or whatever.”

Asami's throat was beginning to feel parched, and her anger was finally starting to burn out.

“I'm not going to read them. I should just go give them back and tell him to stop.”

She gathered herself finally, and rose to her feet.

“I'm sorry for ranting. Love you, Mom. Rest well.”

 

* * *

**Year Seventeen**

 

The sky threatened rain as gray clouds sagged heavily above.

“Hi Mom,” Asami smiled tentatively as she knelt, fumbling with the matches and incense. “And hello, Dad.” The wind whipped her hair in front of her face, and blew out every match as soon as she struck it.

“Mom, I brought someone I'd like you to meet. Someone very special to me.” Asami swallowed thickly. She hoped Korra wouldn't think she was ridiculous, or crazy, or sappy. A flush began to grow in her cheeks as she remembered the last time someone had come along with her. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea?

Korra never hesitated, though. She knelt close to Asami, her warmth radiating, and placed the bouquet of fire lilies before the two polished stones.

“Hello Mrs. Sato. It's nice to finally meet you. And hello again, Mr. Sato.”

It still astonished Asami how Korra's simple acts of compassion could fill her world with warmth, and love, and light, but she could scarcely remember feeling more grateful.

Korra must have noticed that Asami had stopped trying to light the incense sticks. “May I?” she asked, with gentle eyes. Asami nodded her assent.

Korra took the incense sticks from her and planted them in the ground between the two stones. She pinched the ends between her fingers, and tiny wisps of smoke escaped, only to be swept away on the steady breeze.

Asami leaned her head on Korra's shoulder and let the moment wash over her. Korra draped an arm around Asami's shoulders and held her close.

Here was her family. Those she had lost, and the one she had found.

“I miss them,” she said simply.

“I know,” Korra squeezed gently. “It's okay.”

And for now, at least, it was.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Crap, I needed to spot-check the title on this one better, apparently. Apologies that it ended up similar to someone else's work; that was unintentional.


End file.
